


black

by salehs_txt (orphan_account)



Series: colours [1]
Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Everyone gets hurt and almost dies at least once™ the fic, Gen, Multi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-01-18 18:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12394095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/salehs_txt
Summary: Adderkit isterrifiedto say the least.When a ThunderClan cat enters her home with her mother hanging limply from their jaws, she knew something was. . . wrong.But it is all so much moreworsethan she has ever imagined.For Adderkit, her life begins with an inky blackdarkness.





	1. allegiances

**Author's Note:**

> im still 8 at heart and for some reason im.... still writing about cats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone read these lol

ShadowClan

leader: Ivystar - dark grey she - cat with white patches and blue eyes.

deputy: Mossyheart - ginger and white tom with green eyes.

medicine cat: Patchfoot - black tom with white paws and yellow eyes.  
apprentice: Ashpaw

warriors:

Daisyfur - creamy she - cat with green eyes.

Sparkheart - red she - cat with amber eyes.  
apprentice: Dewpaw

Fernfang - grey tabby tom

Creekclaw - Grey - brown tabby tom with green eyes.

Pinefur - brown tom with amber eyes.

Redstream - Red tom with powerful legs and yellow eyes. Originally from RiverClan.

Murkpelt - Black tom

Larkwing - White she - cat with soft green eyes.

Nettlestep - Snappy grey she - cat.

apprentice: Silverpaw

Cloudfur - fluffy grey / white tom with blue eyes. Deaf.

apprentices

Ashpaw - Grey medicine cat apprentice with aqua eyes.

Dewpaw - Grey - and - white tom with blue eyes.

Silverpaw - Silver tabby tom with sharp amber eyes.

Queens / Kit - mothers

Snakebite - Brown tabby she-cat. Nursing kits of an unknown father: Adderkit - Brown tabby she - cat , Mousekit - Grey tabby she - cat, Toadkit - Lighter grey tom and Alderkit - Brown she - cat. [Also mother of two deceased kittens.]

Sunstrike - Golden she - cat with striking blue - green eyes. Expecting Redstream’s kittens. 

 

elders  
Smoketail - Fluffy tortoiseshell she - cat with a darker grey muzzle.

 

WindClan

leader: Deadstar - Scarred grey she - cat with a twisted tail.  
deputy: Featherlight - Grey tom  
apprentice: Tinypaw  
medicine cat: Ravencall - Dark grey - and - white tom with green eyes.

warriors:

Sagepelt - Brown she-cat with green eyes.

Lionscar - Huge scarred golden tom.

Shrewcloud - small brown she - cat with green eyes.

Pebblefur - grey tabby tom.

Dovethroat - Grey and white she - cat with green eyes.

Sheepfur - Fluffy white tom with blue eyes.

Dew - Old light grey tom.

Crowfleck - Black tom with strange white flecks.

 

apprentices:

Smallpaw - Small black she - cat with yellow eyes.

Queens:

Gorseflower - Light brown she - cat. Nursing Featherlight's kits: Nightkit - Black tom, Mistkit - Black and white she - kit, Treekit - Brown tom, Tabbykit - Brown tabby she - cat.

Doestrike - Brown and white tabby.  
Expecting Pebblefur's kits.

Elders:

Brindledfur - Golden she - cat with a greying muzzle and amber eyes.

 

ThunderClan

Leader: Hollystar - Powerful calico she - cat with odd eyes.  
apprentice: Lightpaw  
Deputy: Leafstem - Brown tom with green eyes.

Medicine Cat: Tawnysong - Calico she - cat with green eyes.  
apprentice: Nettlefrost - Spiky furred tom.

Warriors:

Silverspeck - Grey tom.

Eagleflight - White she - cat with blue eyes.

Brightstream - Flame point she - cat with blue eyes. Originally a kittypet.

Copperfang - Brown tabby she - cat with copper coloured eyes.

Pigeonflight - Grey tom with yellow eyes.  
apprentice: Swiftpaw

Bluepool - Blue - grey tom.

Rocktail - Brown tom with orange eyes.

Sparrowstorm - Red / Brown she - cat with amber eyes.

Tansyfur - Tortoiseshell she - cat with amber eyes.

Apprentices:

Lightpaw - White she - cat with a black patch on her back and blue eyes.

Swiftpaw - Black and white tom with amber eyes.

Queens:

Weedclaw - Golden she - cat. Nursing kits of an unknown father: Yellowkit - Weak gold coloured tom. [Mother to four deceased kits.]

 

Elders:

Cloudfoot - White tom with blue eyes.

 

RiverClan

Leader: Oakstar - Red tabby tom with amber eyes.

Deputy: Stripedfur - Light brown she - cat with orange eyes.

Medicine Cat: Owlclaw - Grey tom with green eyes.

Warriors:

Reedflight - Tortoiseshell she - cat with amber eyes.

Heronpool - Grey she - cat.

Raintail - Blue / Grey she - cat with yellow eyes.

Minnowstream - Light grey tom with green eyes.

Birchclaw - Black she - cat with strange white flecks. 

Foxbite - Red tom with white paws.  
Ivypaw

Vixenclaw - Red she - cat with white paws and green eyes.  
Hollowpaw

Apprentices:

Ivypaw - Black and white tom with green eyes.

Hollowpaw - Brown and white tom.

 

Elders:

Leafstorm - Red she - cat with a lame back leg and orange eyes.


	2. i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i. it begins

ShadowClan was her _home_ and she would protect it with her dying breath.

She snarled as a grey cat flung themself at her. She dodged it sharply, letting the other cat flop clumsily to the ground with a loud _thud._

“Adderkit — that's _no fair!”_ The grey kit groaned, pulling herself back to her paws. She pushed herself back at her, determined, and this time she landed a few blows on the brown kit’s ears. They wrestled for a moment, with Adderkit struggling to shake her off of her and Mousekit's tiny paws battering her face.

“Alright, _alright—_ ” She meowed, as she realised that there was no way out of this. “Get off! Mousekit!” She whines when the heavy grey kit lays on top of her.

“No.” Mousekit replied, washing a white paw. “I'm tired.” 

Adderkit groaned. She tried pushing her off again but her sister dug her tiny claws into the ground, effectively keeping her in place.

“If I say that you're the best fighter, will you get off?” She asked. This had happened many times before and she knew how this went.

“Hmm. . .” Mousekit wondered aloud. “Can you get me a squirrel from the fresh – kill pile too?” She purred, already knowing the answer.

Adderkit managed to push her off this time and runs to the pile of prey. She spots a squirrel near the top, but fresh prey is too much of a luxury for her sister, so she drags out another squirrel nearer the bottom. After tasting it to make sure that the meat is the gross stringy stuff that no cat likes, she heaves it back to her sibling and places it at her paws.

“I'm waiting. . .” Mousekit teases.

“You're the best fighter out of all of us,” Adderkit quips sarcastically. “StarClan has blessed me with your presence Oh Great Mousestar.”

Mousekit paused as she looked her in the eyes, confused.

“No, mouse – brain! I know all that!” She, however, was not aware of her ego. “I'm waiting for you to tell me what's up.”

 

To say that was a surprise would be an understatement.

Adderkit almost laughed at her words but even _she_ knew better than that. Mousekit was oddly observant for a cat of her age and would realise instantly if she was lying.

“What do you _mean?”_ She asked, because even if it wouldn't work out in her favour, she could buy time to gather her thoughts. 

“Well, I guess. . .” Mousekit paused, her mouth open slightly. “You just seem. . . I don't know, _sad?_ About us four becoming apprentices?” It comes out as more of a question than her sister would like but it gets the message across all the same.

Silence surrounded the two for a moment.

“Yeah, but it's nothing to worry about, Mousey.” She said, trying to lighten the mood a little bit. Mousekit doesn't buy it and waits for her to speak again. The brown she – cat pawed at the ground in thought, her words clogged in her throat.

“I just. . . I'm worried. I'm worried about what's gonna happen when we're apprenticed. I guess I think a lot about what Smokekit and Bramblekit would have been like, y’know?” Mousekit tilted her head. _No, I don't know,_ her eyes say.

“It just — doesn't matter, Mouse. I just need to stop comparing myself to cats who existed for a moon.” She winced at her choice of words but there's nothing that can _really_ be done about it now, not unless StarClan themselves gave her the power of time travel.

“If. . . that's it,” Mousekit’s soft murmur breaks her out of her strange thoughts. Her voice betrayed the fact that this conversation was far from over. Maybe Mousekit wasn't ready yet? Because Adderkit sure wasn't. “Share this with me and uh. . .—”

Adderkit wrinkled her nose in distaste, but Mousekit’s eyes already scan the camp for anyone who could help two kits finish an _entire_ squirrel. 

“Mama!” Mousekit shouted in glee, as her mother poked her head out of the nursery. “Mama, over here!” The grey kit tried again.

Snakebite was always a proud, arrogant cat but for her kits she managed to shove it aside and show them a caring side, something that very few of her clanmates would receive. 

“Mousekit, keep quiet.” Snakebite scolded as she padded over. The brown tabby smiled gently at her kits. She was obviously tired, the drafts of leaf – fall setting into the nursery and the lack of sleep from her writhing kits both contributed to that – but she still looked happy to be there. 

“Share this squirrel with us, Mama.” Mousekit flicked her stubby tail. Her mother leans down to sniff at the squirrel and immediately shrinks back. 

“Mousekit, I'd think you'd know not to pick out a rotting squirrel by now.” The grey kit shrieked in shock, glaring at Adderkit. Adderkit played dumb, barely holding in the laughter that shook her body. Snakebite left to bury the prey and bring back a fresh squirrel.

“Seriously, Adderkit?” Mousekit snapped at her sister. “You didn't even say anything! Don't _laugh_ —”

“I thought you would have smelled it!” Adderkit defended herself. Mousekit growled light – heartedly and once again pounced, landing on her sister. 

“No, Mousekit!” The weaker of the two cries out, as she's squashed underneath grey and white fur. “Not this again!” 

Adderkit managed to wriggle out this time and flipped her sister over onto her back, letting a paw hover over her sister's throat. She knew that if Mousekit tried to move she'd risk getting choked and her sister wasn't a complete mouse – brain. She knew it too.

“Fox – hearted ThunderClan warrior!” Adderkit snarled. But Mousekit protested with a _”I should get to be the ShadowClan cat!”_

Adderkit obviously disagreed. 

“But if you're not ThunderClan then ShadowClan loses,” She pointed out. Mousekit grunted in reply.

“You haven't won yet!”

“I think she _has,_ Mousekit. Warriors should admit defeat.” Snakebite meowed through the fur of a squirrel. She dropped it by her daughters’ paws.

“But Sunstrike says that you _never_ did that.” Adderkit said, tearing off a chunk of squirrel.

Snakebite purred.

“She's right.” The queen admitted. “But I should teach my kits not to make the same mistakes as I did.”

“. . . Mistakes?” Adderkit and Mousekit replied simultaneously.

Snakebite looked suddenly uncomfortable.

“That's. . . a story for another day.” She said.

 

They left it at that, finishing the squirrel off together and lazing out in the remainder of the Leaf – Fall sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i.... don't like this and u can tell


	3. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ii. the shadows are weakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love silverpaw so much........ 
> 
> ok but side note why am i such a furry idk

At five moons old, Adderkit began to grow impatient. It was strangely cliché apparently, but every time she saw Silverpaw or Dewpaw or Ashpaw her mood would plummet and she would scowl at the three.

The days of Leaf – Fall passed by slowly; not like her first few moons of being alive, and there was nothing to do. Adderkit had left camp already, gotten in trouble for it and she’d already been hiding and listened in on just about every cat’s conversations.

So, when Adderkit and her siblings were gathered up by Silverpaw in order to “prepare themselves for apprenticeship,” Adderkit wasn't exactly happy.

“Adderkit, are you even listening?” Silverpaw snapped. The kit in question nodded but Silverpaw wasn't so easily convinced. “Alright, 'kit. What was I just saying?”

The brown kit paused, trying not to be offended by Silverpaw’s use of the word _kit._

“You said that being an apprentice is really important and that—” The cat broke off, looking to any one of her siblings for support. Suddenly Toadkit started coughing and spat out a _”The warrior code is the most important part of your training!”_

The coughs died down after a while. After making sure her brother was okay, she repeated his words.

“Huh.” Silverpaw murmured. The realisation hit Adderkit instantly.  
“Why’re we going over the warrior code _again?”_

“Nettlestep said that I gotta teach you. It’s for forgetting to clear out the nursery.”

Adderkit shuddered, preferring not to remember that.

“So if she asked you to _teach us,_ why are you repeating things we know?” Mousekit chimed in, shuffling her paws. Silverpaw scoffed.  
“If you all shut your muzzles and let me teach, we could be getting somewhere.” He said, his patience seemingly wearing thin. His harsh tone, which he had no doubt gotten from Nettlestep, got the point across and the group sat up, at least pretending they cared about his lesson. “Good,” he purred.

“Now Toadkit, I want you to attack me.” Silverpaw began, bracing himself instantly. Toadkit startled, and shrunk back.  
“M–me? But what if I—” Silverpaw cut him off.  
“It's okay. The worst that’ll happen is I'll tear a claw or something and while it'll hurt; it's gonna help you learn _somethin’.”_

Toadkit shared a look with his siblings who gently coaxed him into it, giving him encouraging nods. The grey – and – white kit dipped his head as his gaze returned to the grey apprentice.

“If you're sure. . .” He mumbled, his eyes clouded with fear and worry. Adderkit watched in awe as the tom threw his body forward, fast. Toadkit ducked a swipe from Silverpaw narrowly and retaliated with his own paw slashing forward. The two struggled to land blows for a while, with Silverpaw's experience and Toadkit’s surprisingly quick reflexes, but soon the two had broken apart, circling each other.

“Like that?” Toadkit panted. Silverpaw grinned.

“Yeah,” The tom purred. “You're okay, right kit?” He asked when Toadkit's breathing hadn't calmed. The kit purred in response.

“I’m just tired.” He nodded. “Haven't trained in a while.”

Alderkit nosed his belly.

“Yeah, you've had a few mice too,” She teased. The kit looked up, her jaw parted in a yawn.

“Silverpaw, can we go back now?” Alderkit mewed. She looked as if she'd collapse at any moment. The brown kit hadn't done much training, but the sky was a deep purple now, with white dots littering it. Silverpaw nodded and the four returned to their dens.

“Tell Nettlestep I was a good teacher!” He reminded them as they ran back into the den. They nodded, and entered the den expecting Snakebite to scold them or _something_ for staying out for so late.

She probably would have if she was there.

But their nest was empty, and judging from how frigid it was; it had been for a long time.

* * *

Early sunlight filtered through the holes of the nursery. The kits had collectively decided that if Snakebite hadn't returned by sunlight then they would tell someone.

“Mama?” Adderkit called warily, her eyes blinking open.

“Yes, Adderkit?” Came the reply. The kit purred instantly. 

“You're back!” Adderkit nosed into her belly fur, taking in a deep breath and reassuring herself that her mother was there. Her scent was _different_ though. Like her, but like the pine trees that Adderkit could sometimes smell on warriors coming back from patrol. If her nose was right, it meant that Snakebite had only just returned to the nursery.

“Where were you, mama?” Adderkit asked quietly, suddenly aware of her siblings. The bigger brown tabby was silent if only for a moment, in thought.

“I. . . was on a mission.” Adderkit knew she was hiding something.  
“Where, mama?” She pressed. “Was it important?”

“Yes.” Snakebite replied, licking her between the ears affectionately. “Now, go to sleep and I'll tell you all about it later.”

Adderkit didn't believe her. At all.

“Promise?” She asked. It was kit – like, she knew, but it felt strangely important to her. Snakebite purred and nodded.

 

.

 

 

She didn't get the chance.

* * *

_“M — Mama?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why did i name one of the children Adderkit and the other Alderkit this is physically hurting me.........


	4. iii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iii. the thunder is DEAFENING.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update schedule who

The cry was weak and strangled and torn from Adderkit’s throat. It _burned._

“Mama!” 

This time, there was no reply. No warmth curled around her soothingly.

Adderkit raced forward, her eyes wide. Cats swarmed around the entrance of camp, blocking her view momentarily but they parted as soon as she drew near.

Snakebite was barely moving.

Blood stained a gash in her throat, fresh and clean and bleeding. A huge she – cat held her mother's limp body. Her scent was strong and Adderkit shrank back at the way she carried herself. This she – cat made her wary.

“Hollystar!” 

_Hollystar?_ Adderkit paled. _This_ was the ThunderClan leader? Her fur prickled uncomfortably at the thought.

“State your business here or leave.” Ivystar barked, meeting the ThunderClan cat with a glare. It was clear what her business was, but Hollystar set Snakebite’s body down gently. 

“Your warrior was trespassing,” Hollystar growled. “My warriors dealt with her.” 

Silence enveloped the two but Ivystar quickly broke it.

“Like this?” She snarled, her hackles rising. Snakebite groaned beneath her. “Patchfoot!” Someone called from the crowd that had gathered. Snakebite's body was carried away but the two didn't seem to acknowledge it at all, fixing each other with hate – filled stares.

Ivystar laughed bitterly.

“ThunderClan prides itself on being friendly to cats from every Clan. What did she do to ruffle your pelts, to have the Kittypet Clan attack her?”

Hollystar curled her lip at the insult. She was getting worked up quickly for a cat who had walked into enemy territory and treated their Clanmate like prey. She had _no right._

Adderkit narrowly ducked the whirl of fur and two screeching cats as Hollystar leapt forward. With her ears drawn back, Ivystar dodged, teeth bared and snarling. The grey cat scored her claws along Hollystar’s tawny fur, blood beading on her claw – tips.

The calico hissed and managed to grab Ivystar’s hind leg in her jaws and pulled, wrenching it out of place. Ivystar didn't back down though, pulling her leg free and slashing her claws across Hollystar's once – pretty face.

The sight of the two cats locked in battle was horrifying to Adderkit – but her thoughts didn't stop them and the two traded blows until Ivystar had the ThunderClan cat pinned and writhing under her. 

“That's enough, Hollystar.” She spat, her tail lashing wildly. The other she – cat didn't stop though, until Ivystar brought a paw down on her throat. Saliva bubbled at Hollystar's lips. She desperately tried to breathe but it was becoming a challenge for her; especially with the weight of Ivystar constricting her throat.

Hate burned in Hollystar's gaze as she stared up at the grey she – cat. Ivystar suddenly lashed her paw out across Hollystar's face again. The wound was deep – etched across Hollystar's green eyes in a clean cut. The calico yowled and kicked, but her body was weak as she spasmed and spat. She could do nothing to stop the pain or retaliate.

“You'd do well to return to your territory, Hollystar.” Ivystar didn't seemed to be fazed by the screeching heap of fur underneath her. Her paw lifted from the calico's throat. “Before I kill you.” Ivystar paused, flicking an ear. “A Clan leader and yet you can't even defend your actions.” She commented, with a flick of her tail. Blood streamed down the she – cat’s face. ShadowClan cats flanked her on both sides. Others surrounded Hollystar, with a gap to let the she – cat past. Hollystar stumbled to her paws and raced out of the camp. Silence followed.

 

“Return to your duties,” Ivystar ordered. “Mossyheart have a patrol watch the ThunderClan border. Make sure Hollystar returns to her territory. If she stays, drive her out.”

And Clan life continued on – but for Adderkit everything had stopped.

Her heart raced wildly, pounding and rattling against her chest. Her body felt like it was burning whilst her breathing came in short, sharp gasps of air.

She felt like she was practically dying.

What was happening to Snakebite? She probably wouldn't be allowed in the Medicine Cat den, but she would try, if only to comfort her mother.

Adderkit poked her head into the Medicine Cat den and something salty filled her nose. She didn't like it. It seemed to thrive in this den and was faintly familiar to Adderkit until it hit her – like a moss ball flying at blinding speed.

Blood.

“Adderkit?” Ashpaw meowed gently, stepping towards the kit and licking her between the ears. “I can't let you in now; your mother isn't in a stable condition.” That much was clear from the sound of loud shrieks of pain coming from behind the grey cat. “But. . .” Ashpaw paused, suddenly rummaging through a pile of leaves and berries beside her. She picked out a few small, sticky leaves and pushed them towards Adderkit. “Here.” She said. “Eat these.”

“What is it?” Adderkit asked, chewing the first one.  
“Thyme.” Ashpaw replied, turning away. “To reduce shock and any of your anxieties.” After Adderkit had swallowed the leaves, Ashpaw made the kit leave, letting her do her work.

“And Adderkit?” Ashpaw called as the tabby kitten turned to leave. She turned around patiently, waiting.  
“Try to get some sleep. Don't worry about your mother. If any of your siblings are worried or shaken up, send them to me.”

She was talking about Toadkit.

Adderkit nodded, and dragged herself away from the medicine den reluctantly. Mousekit and Alderkit appeared by her side instantly. They looked. . . oddly guilty.

“How is she?” Alderkit asked, shuffling her paws uncomfortably. Adderkit smiled sadly.

“I don't know. I could smell blood – but Ashpaw is surprisingly short up close and I couldn't see past her.” She paused, angry at herself but she remembered Ashpaw’s words and tried to push it down, settling into the nest which Snakebite should have been in. 

“Oh, and uh – Ashpaw says to go to her if you're shaken up or anything. And you should probably send Toadkit.” She paused, looking around for the light grey kit. “Where is he, anyway?” 

The guilt that was on their faces was evident now and the two shared a look.

“Don't be mad.” Mousekit meowed. Adderkit nodded, wary. What was going on? “We. . .” Mousekit paused, looking for the words to say. Apparently they were somewhere near her paws as she focused on them intently. “. . . Don't know?”

Adderkit suddenly jumped up to her paws, eyes flashing.

“What?” 

Oh, that was right. Sunstrike shared the nursery with them. The golden tabby seemed tired. “We don't need this now, kits!” She growled quietly. It was directed more at herself than anything.  
“Why wasn't anyone told?” Sunstrike paused, expecting an answer and shook her head when the three kits at her paws didn't speak. Instead, they gazed up at her with round eyes. Sunstrike brushed past them briskly, leaving them to talk amongst themselves.

“Where did you last see him?” Adderkit whispered, still looking around as if he would appear from somewhere. The two thought for a moment, with Mousekit speaking first.

“I think it was last night. When we finished training? He came to his nest but I couldn't find him in the morning.”  
Now that Adderkit thought about it, she hadn't seen him either.

“Don't worry about it, kits.” Sunstrike said. She returned to her nest, curling her tail over her nose. “Ivystar and Mossyheart know. They'll send out a patrol to find him as soon as possible. Now,” The tabby paused and smiled at the kits. 

 

“Try and sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: ivystar + snakebite are both bi. for eachother. theyre real gay.


	5. iv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iv. she is f a d i n g.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its that time of the week again folks

Snakebite’s condition was bad. Perhaps even _worsening._

It was clear; Adderkit and her siblings still weren't allowed in the medicine cat den, and there were still dull shrieks of pain echoing from it, even throughout the night.

But it had been seven sun rises.

With their sixth moon drawing even closer, Adderkit couldn't help her irrational fears from engulfing her. Because, in the moment, they were entirely rational.

Snakebite was dying.

 

The realisation came to Adderkit suddenly, as she half – heartedly gnawed at a stale mouse. She pawed at the animal, her appetite gone.

“Alderkit?” She called. Her sisters hadn't left her side since the patrols came back empty – pawed and with _pity_ evident on their faces. Toadkit hadn't returned; their mother was slowly dying and even if she _didn't_ it wouldn't be the same. StarClan seemed to be testing her faith in them or _something_ because with each passing day, there was no glimmer of hope for Adderkit. 

“I’m not hungry,” She mewed, pushing the rodent towards her lighter tabby sister. Alderkit hadn't eaten in a while and Adderkit knew this. “Have this.” The she – cat almost looked guilty as she ate with slow bites, but Adderkit couldn't find it in herself to reassure the other kit. Instead, she padded away and to the medicine den.

“Ashpaw?” She called, for the seventh day. “Can you let me in?” Her voice was hoarse, broken and distraught but harsh breaths echoed from behind the grey medicine cat as she stepped out. Snakebite was still breathing. But Adderkit wouldn't know if that meant she was still alive.

“I need to talk to Snakebite.” She explained as Ashpaw looked at her quizzically. Any cat would — Adderkit had been rejected by the cat enough times to know that she wouldn't be allowed in, but she would still _try._

“Of course,” Ashpaw murmured, stepping aside. “Patchfoot is collecting herbs and I'll wait out here. If she wakes or starts yowling or her wounds open up – tell me.”

With a nod, Adderkit was greeted with the stench of infection as she entered. And she immediately understood why Ashpaw had let her in.

Snakebite was going to die — quicker than any of them had predicted.

The ThunderClan cats had beaten the she – cat up so badly, scars etched across her tabby fur. Cobwebs were carefully applied across her fur, but Snakebite was on her side; making it impossible for Adderkit to judge just how bad the damage was. Her wounds still hadn't closed up properly – Adderkit had heard the yowling and thrashing from the medicine cat den enough times to know that Snakebite was lashing out and moving quick in her sleep – in an eternal battle. In agony. 

“Mama?” Adderkit said weakly, nosing her mother's fur. It was cold. Snakebite had never been cold; the molly’s dark fur probably helped with that, but Snakebite was _always_ warm. Something was wrong. “Mama, why are you so cold?” She asked, almost expecting an answer. That was the thing about being a kit – death was rare for a kitten to experience and kits almost felt as if they could never die. But words alone wouldn't help Snakebite.

Snakebite's body twitched.

“Mama? Can you hear me?” She asked. Silence surrounded her. “Of course. . .” She muttered, lowering her head. It was quiet for a while, with Adderkit listening to her mother's shallow breaths and Ashpaw eventually returning to the den and fiddling with some herbs. 

“Adderkit?” 

 

.

 

Snakebite's jaws parted slightly, as Adderkit could do nothing but stare. Her mother's voice was so quiet it was barely heard – Adderkit wasn't even sure that the tabby had spoke. 

“Mama!” She replied. Ashpaw looked up at her exclamation. The medicine cat raced over. “What's happening, Ashpaw?” Adderkit paled as the apprentice placed a bundle of herbs by her mother's side. She didn't understand how Ashpaw could stay so _calm_ during this situation – because Adderkit certainly wasn't. No, her breathing suddenly quickened and her body flattened against the floor of the den. 

“Leave, Adderkit.” Ashpaw ordered after a moment. “Get to the nursery – I shouldn't have let you in here.” Adderkit paused, but eventually left, becoming choked. Her breaths still came out sharply just as her heart still thundered in her chest. What was happening?

“Adderkit?” 

 

Mousekit lapped at her flank. “What happened in there?” The grey kit meowed. She walked alongside Adderkit, making who was making her way to the nursery.

“Mama. . .” She tried to begin, but trailed off. “I don't _know.”_ She groaned after a moment. “I was let in and she – she _spoke._ She said my name and suddenly Ashpaw ran over like something was wrong and it just. . . doesn't make sense!”

“Maybe they sent you out because of any infection she could have gotten?” Mousekit replied soothingly, lapping at her sister's fur. Mousekit grooming her fur seemed to ground her and calm her down – she was so calm that she began to drift off. Sounds all became white noise around her, echoing in her ears.

“Adderkit? 'M sorry to wake you up, but I need you to turn over.” Her sister's voice cut through the white noise and she was thankful – she knew she couldn't go to sleep until her mother was either stable or among StarClan and she wouldn't let herself sleep until then. Anger bubbled in her veins because she was _mouse – brained_ to try and sleep. She pushed it away.

“What for?” Adderkit turned on her back, exposing her belly fur. Mousekit continued her grooming.

“I needed to wash your belly fur.” She explained, doing just that.

After Adderkit had pulled herself away from her sister who insisted she still wasn't clean, (even though her fur and skin both began to ache with each rasp of Mousekit's tongue) she wandered out of the nursery. 

“Where's Toadk—” She paused in her question, realisation dawning over her. Mousekit had apparently followed her out of the den and nudged her flank. And suddenly, an idea hit her.

“Mousekit?” As her sister reared her head, she spoke. “Come with me.”

* * *

* * *

Her sister had blindly followed her for seven sun rises and this was no different.


	6. v

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> v. the stars shine brightly but the thunder is brighter

Escaping the camp was easy – it was strangely easy for two kits to leave. Dewpaw had once mentioned how the dirt-place had an exit that lead to the territory without being seen. But even if the tom _hadn't_ they probably wouldn't have been spotted anyway. Even if tension was thick between the Clans, two – _no_ – three kits had left camp and no cat had noticed.

Mousekit was wary at first, but settled into a leisurely pace beside her sister. Occasionally, the pair would exchange a few words but Adderkit was clearly in no mood to speak. Mousekit respected this for a _while,_ but soon enough, her curiosity made her impatient.

Her paws skidded to a halt.

“Adderkit?” The grey kit made sure to whisper. Adderkit would have clawed her otherwise. “It's cold. Can we go back? Why are we even _here?_ ” 

Apparently, the air of early Leaf – Bare didn't phase her sister at all. The brown tabby only fixed her with a glare, not stopping entirely but walking at a slower pace. Her amber eyes burned with determination and. . . something else.

“We need to find him.” Adderkit mewed, as if that was enough of an explanation. Mousekit set to her paws again, racing towards her sister to match her steps. She tilted her head, confused.

“They. . .” Adderkit paused. _They?_ “. . . I was told by this cat. . . They said that if we find him, we could help Mama.” The kit looked away, shaking her head. “I know you don't believe me, Mouse, but. . . This is important.” 

And just like that, Mousekit wanted to find her brother more than anything in the world. (Of course she did _before,_ but being confined in camp would make that significantly harder – now she had the means to find him _and_ the will to carry on). 

If it would help her, her sister and her mother, she would do it. No matter what happened to her.

* * *

They had been walking for so, _so_ long.

To a kit it must have seemed like days, but the sun had hardly dipped out of the sky. Adderkit _groaned_ as the scent trail they had been following grew weaker and weaker, probably washed away by the light snowfall that the forest had received. She looked behind her, frowning at her sibling. Mousekit had the same steely determination reflected in her eyes as Adderkit but there was also _sorrow._ The tabby flinched, not from the bitter cold biting at her fur, but at the raw _sadness_ in her sister's eyes. Her paws suddenly stopped, whether it was subconscious or not, she didn't know but that wasn't important.

She lapped at her sister's fur, almost yelping as she realised just how cold Mousekit was.

“Mousekit we can—” She paused. That wasn't the right word. “We _should_ go back.” Adderkit corrected. The grey – and – white cat’s tail flicked, irritated. “We’ll look for him another time,” Turning back, Adderkit expected her sister to follow. But Mousekit remained in place.

“This isn't a _game,_ Adderkit.” She snapped. Adderkit’s ears perked up in surprise and she stopped in her tracks, trying to not let her anger burst out. How could her _kin_ accuse her of treating this like it was _fun?_

“I know that!” She defended herself. “Are you mouse – brained? I want to find him as much as you do.” Her tail lashed in indignation.

But Mousekit still glared at her sibling with rage and discomfort. Adderkit seethed. 

“I'm leaving,” she snarled. “This was a stupid idea. You can freeze if you want to.” Adderkit turned again, but paws thundered behind her.

“Adderkit I–I’m sorry—”  
The tabby cut her off.  
“Don't be sorry, Mouse.” She paused, trekking through the light snowfall at her paws. “I _understand._ But you can't expect us to find him if we're dead or something.” 

 

. . .

 

“Come on!” Adderkit called as she broke into a run. “The dawn patrol'll find us if we don't get back soon!” Soon, her sister outran her, bolting forward.

They raced back towards the camp that they had previously escaped from, seemingly forgetting about their short argument.

* * *

They returned to the camp relatively quickly, managing to squeeze back into the nursery with little problem.

“Where were you?” A meow from her side made Adderkit jump.  
“Shhh, Alderkit. I'll tell you later.” She promised, wincing slightly. _That was what Mama had said to you before she. . ._ left.

Adderkit didn't sleep easy that night, thoughts of her mother plagued her until she practically collapsed of exhaustion.

 

.

 

The light of the sun lapped at Adderkit's fur as her nest and fur grew considerably less cold. She stretched, parting her jaws in a yawn. Her yellow eyes opened slightly, taking in the surroundings of. . . a _forest?_

At least, it appeared to be one.

Her paws took her forward warily. They made no sound, even as they slammed against the leaves scattered on the forest floor. She could smell prey and cats and she could hear chattering echoing around her but something was. . . off. This place seemed too good to be true.

 

“A–adderkit?”

 

The high – pitched squeal startled the brown kit and her head whipped around to face the source of the voice. _No. . ._ It couldn't be!

 

“Smokekit. . .? Bramblekit. . .?”

The two smaller kits’ eyes widened in turn and they looked at each other in a mutual sense of disbelief. _How?_ She wanted to ask so many questions but her muzzle stayed firmly shut as her legs wobbled with the weight of her emotions.

“What are you doing here?” She burst out, smiling. She hadn't seen the two in moons and they were _here!_ They were—

. . . frowning at her.

 

“A—aren’t you happy to see me?” She asked, suddenly self – conscious. Her siblings remained silent. Smokekit’s mouth opened as if he was thinking of something to say. It _hurt._ It hurt to watch her deceased siblings scramble for an explanation. And then she realised.

 

“You don't know where you are, do you?” Smokekit finally said, slowly. The two smaller kits looked uncomfortable as they took in their sister's expression of shock. “You're in StarClan, Adderkit.”

Adderkit's world froze. Her heart raced and pounded into her ears.

“That doesn't make any. . .” She trailed off. “Am I dead?” 

“No.” Bramblekit finally spoke up. “We need to show you something,” the light brown tom explained, rising to his paws. He was the younger of the two, having died a few moons after birth, but here in _StarClan,_ he looked wise. Wiser than a cat of his age should be.

His death had made him grow up so much quicker than any of his other siblings. 

 

The three moved rapidly through the forest, Adderkit trudged behind them solemnly. Her thoughts were racing in her mind, loud and clear and none of them made any _sense._ None of whatever _this_ was made sense either. 

They soon arrived at a lake which shimmered as they drew near. Starlight itself reflected on the water’s surface. 

“Drink, Adderkit.” She was instructed.

Gingerly, the molly inclined her head, lapping at the. . . The Star – Water.

“Is this what I think it—”

Her question was cut off by the darkness that sliced across her vision.

 

 

There is only silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe adderkits fucking dead
> 
> also i wanted to make this longer but i had a huge writer's block inbetween sorry


	7. vi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vi. the darkness is only beginning, Adderkit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edgy

Adderkit's mind ached. She had woken up in her nest, but she'd been sleeping awkwardly on her side and her neck burned as she stretched out.

But. . . how was she in camp?

She had drank from the Star – Water right? So shouldn't she be seeing some sort of _prophetic dream_ or looking at some vague part of her future or _something?_

Instead, her siblings snored softly behind her. She felt like she had been dreaming for hours upon hours; yet the moon still was high in the sky, illuminating the ShadowClan camp with a gentle glow.

Then again, she was no medicine cat. Maybe it was because of that. . .? She didn't know; for StarClan's sake, she was practically scrambling for answers.

 

Her head pounded again as she lay there, breathless and utterly confused. What had happened? Why did she feel like she was missing something important?

* * *

Sunlight came for Adderkit soon enough, streaming through the den and softly washing over her fur. Her body ached considerably less.

“Adderkit?” Sunstrike called. Her jaw was clenching and unclenching and she seemed to be stopping herself from yowling forcibly. “Could you get Patchfoot for me?” She asked. Her eyes suddenly snapped open wildly, and she groaned.

 _Oh no._

 

She raced out, forgetting about the pain in her body suddenly. This was such a bad time! Both medicine cats would be needed to help Sunstrike give birth, leaving her dying mother _alone._ It was selfish, she knew, but worries nagged at her.

“Patchfoot!” She was visibly panicked as she bolted into the den, yellow eyes widened. “It’s Sunstrike! She's kitting!”

But wait. . .

 

Patchfoot straightened, shock momentarily sparkling in his gaze. They both had clearly had the same thought.

_It was so early._

 

“Ashpaw,” Patchfoot snapped out of his shock as Sunstrike groaned. “Get a warrior to get some moss and a stick,” He began, rising to his paws. “Bring some borage, raspberry leaves and cobwebs. Come as soon as you can.” And with that, the black and white tom had bounded towards the nursery.

* * *

Yowls of pain, loud and clear, echoed from the nursery’s walls. The usual Clan chatter had dwindled to whispers of shock.

“Why are they here so early?” Sunstrike screeched through the stick that was provided for her.

Patchfoot remained calm.  
“I need you to breathe slowly, Sunstrike. Take in deep breaths and breathe out slowly. Like this,” He demonstrated and the queen breathed with him, calming down slightly. That was until another sharp contraction made her face scrunch up. “Keep breathing, Sunstrike.” 

Ashpaw had arrived a few moments later, dropping a bundle at their paws. They fiddled with it for a moment, pulling out some huge leaves and looking at Sunstrike with anxiety clear in their eyes.

“Eat these,” Ashpaw coaxed. Sunstrike looked wary. “They'll help with the contractions, Sunstrike.”

At that, the golden queen ate them quickly. 

It had been a while for Adderkit to watch as Sunstrike writhed in agony. Another wave of pain hit her and she yowled out.  
“Where is Redstream?” She asked. “He needs to be here if they—” Patchfoot silenced her with a stern look.

“I need you to be strong for me, Sunstrike. You're not the first cat with premature kittens and you won't be the last.” The queen nodded, but her jaws parted again and her breathing quickened.

“I—I think it's coming—” 

The queen grit her teeth, face contorted in pain. Something had slid out from behind, and she turned to face it.

“You know what to do Ashpaw.” Patchfoot meowed. The tom placed his paws on the queen's belly. “Three more.”

Ashpaw nipped at the sac and fluid rushed out. A kitten began to mewl, but it was so _small._ The grey Medicine Cat appreciate lifted the kitten towards the warmth of it's mother's belly. 

“My kit,” Sunstrike breathed. “It's so beautiful,” She commented. It clearly wasn't, with wrinkled skin and small patches of fur. It's skin was _pink._ It paws could barely knead at it's mother's belly and _fear_ snaked it's way into Adderkit's belly.

These kittens had no chance of surviving.

But that wasn't what was important now. Sunstrike hissed, her claws tearing up the nest of moss that Redstream had made for her. Another kit had slid out, looking slightly better than the last. After Ashpaw had freed the kit from it's strange confinement, it seemed to be healthier than it’s sibling. Sunstrike purred as the kit made it's way to her, with it's small paws stretched out, trying to find her. The queen nosed it towards her, smiling at it. 

Another one had made it's way out soon after, looking just as weak as the first kit. Except, it was deadly still. Sunstrike was still in pain, but managed to touch her nose to the still kit’s body.

“Have a safe journey, kit of mine.” She whispered, only for the tiny baby to hear.

The queen shuddered as yet another kit slid out, just as still as it's sibling until — it _squeaked,_ startling it's mother. She giggled and breathed a sigh of relief. At this, Redstream had finally made it to camp, yowling for Sunstrike.

 _Are the kits okay?_ Adderkit couldn't help but think. They had arrived so early, and yet no cat seemed to be addressing it. 

Redstream poked his head into the nursery, blurting the question that was on all their minds

“Are they—okay?” He whispered, nuzzling his mate. His tongue ran along her fur, easing the stress out of her.

“Patchfoot?” The golden molly turned to face the medicine cat who had a sullen look on his face. 

He looked over at Ashpaw, tilting his head, and then back to the kits. The tom dipped his head, but parted his jaws to speak a moment after. 

“You'll have to keep them much warmer than a normal litter,” He instructed. “And they'll open their eyes late, they'll speak late, they'll find it hard to do anything. And—” His tail twitched. “—they’re delicate. Some may not survive, but if you keep them safe and warm and come to me or Ashpaw at the first sign of any infection, they should be okay.”

Mousekit let out a breath beside her sister. Patchfoot excused himself at that, Ashpaw trailing behind him.

“What will you name them?” Alderkit asked, her eyes wide. Sunstrike turned to the tom beside her and was about to speak when a yawn stopped her. Redstream purred.

“I think we’ll wait until we're rested to name them,” He said, curling around the she – cat. Sunstrike purred at that, tension leaving her body as she leaned into his touch. They were like that for a while, both curled around their kits protectively.

Adderkit felt _sick._ Not because of the two cats, but because they would be experiencing a _lot_ in the next few moons.

* * *

The tabby kit made her way into the medicine den with her sisters later that night. Patchfoot and Ashpaw had gone to the Moon — Flowers for the half — moon. Adderkit knew that Ashpaw was likely to get their medicine cat name on the journey. They had left before sun – high, giving instructions to not let any cat into the Medicine Cat den. But every cat was asleep now, and so no one could stop the three cats from making their way in.

“Adderkit? Is Mama okay?” Mousekit’s troubled voice snapped her out of her unimportant thoughts. The grey – and – white kit was trembling and her tail was between her legs. Adderkit wasn't nearly as terrified as her sister, but once again, she _had_ seen a de— _unconscious_ cat before.

She knew her sister wasn't scared because of the body though, no, it was probably the death – scent that surrounded their mother.

“No,” Adderkit admitted hastily. Her throat was suddenly dry and she wanted to scream as loud as she could. “She—I think she's. . .”

But the kit trailed off, because she knew if she said it, it would become real.

_Mama, you can't be dead._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unrealistic things in warriors #1:
> 
> queens have always given birth on time and so med cats would have no idea about caring for premature kits.
> 
> also, yes, sunstrike and redstream are sleeping with the corpse of their dead baby. sunstrike eats it but im not writing that.
> 
> also also the kits are in there bc theyre feral cats and DO NOT CARE if the children are witnessing the Miracle of Birth™ (and because i needed to make this chapter 1k)


	8. vii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vii. memories

“No, no, no, _no._ ” Alderkit mewled weakly.

 

Cats reacted to grief in different ways. 

Adderkit did her best to keep her jaws shut and squeezed her eyes closed. 

The wind shuffled around her and her eyes fluttered open.

“Mama, mama! We're almost six moons, mama, just hold on!” She paused, pawing at her mother's face — a tactic she had used early in her life to wake her mother up. “Just hold on, okay? Patchfoot and Ashpaw, they'll be back soon and I need you to stay with me, okay?” Her voice was edged with panic.

“Mama, listen!” She could hear her voice rising and rising, she was so _so_ desperate, _why was Mama gone?_ “Listen to me, mama.” She breathed as Mousekit sniffed beside her. Clearly, she wasn't making it _any_ easier for her sisters.

Why hadn't she been taken instead?

 

The cold air surrounded her once again. Light twinkled at the edges of her vision, blinding her partially. “You—” She collapsed to her paws, lying in the makeshift nest provided for the queen. “—you can't die, not yet. Are you listening, Mama? We can't—”

A sob shook her body.

“Stay here with us, Mama.” _Or, StarClan, take me instead._

* * *

_Don't worry, Adderkit. New — leaf brings change. We'll take care of her._

* * *

The kit must have collapsed from exhaustion at one point, but her mind was worn out and she couldn't recall anything other than her—

. . . Snakebite.

 

Her eyes hadn't closed for the rest of the night, not when her sister's snored softly beside her, not when her eyes ached.

 

.

 

The two medics had arrived in camp soon after, and looked at each other apprehensively. Ashpaw — no, Ash _step_ now, had spoken first.

“StarClan’s grounds are becoming more like the territories.” They noted, looking around. “Do you think—”

They were silenced by Patchfoot’s angry gaze. The tom hissed.

“You sound like a kit, Ashstep.” He sounded irritated. Their conversation was over before it had started. “I should not have to remind you of your promise to StarClan,” He paused. “Remain silent. Do not break your oath.” 

The tom inhaled. “And above all, trust in StarClan.”

They carried on walking in a tense silence, that was until—

* * *

“Kits?”

It was Patchfoot. He appeared to be stressed. Or anxious. Adderkit wasn't good at reading faces.

“Oh no,” The tom whispered. He tried to cover up his shock, asking the kits why they were there.

“Mama, she’s—” 

Patchfoot swallowed uncomfortably.  
“I know. But you need to leave. We have to prepare her body for burial.” He meowed. “It's going to be hard, I know, but you need to get some sleep.”

He smiled suddenly, but his eyes were hollow. Adderkit tried to grin back, but she couldn't find it in herself. She made her way to the nursery with her paws dragging behind her.

 

She felt alone.

No, _no_ , she was alone.

* * *

The next day came too quickly for Adderkit's liking. She hadn't been woken up by Sunstrike (though if it was because of Snakebite or the new kits, she didn't know) and her eyes blinked open of their own accord.

Mousekit was shivering beside her, murmuring words that were too quick and quiet for Adderkit to make out.

Her tongue instinctively lapped against her sister's shoulder in soothing strokes and she began to purr in an attempt to calm her sister down. There was a loud yowl from Mousekit and kit tensed, suddenly awake.

“Adderkit?” Mousekit mewled, her eyes blinking open. Her fur was on end. “Is she — is Mama really—” She was cut off with a nod by her sister. Mousekit shuddered – she was trying to hold in a sob. Adderkit curled around her, lapping at her shoulder before changing her mind and whispering a _I'll get you prey,_ to her sister.

She made her way out of the nursery, ignoring the looks of sorrow sent her way and the body lying in camp with flowers dotted around it. A few cats surrounded it, Pinefur being one of them.

She didn't know the tom well but she knew that he was her uncle, being Snakebite's only living brother. As she passed him, she dipped her head. He didn't notice her, his nose pressed deep into his sister's fur.

 _If anything happened to Mousekit or Alderkit or Toadkit, I don't know what I would do._ She didn't want to think about it, but Toadkit was as good as dead in the Clan's eyes.

_Well, wherever you are Toad, may you be safe._

She chose a thrush from the fresh – kill pile, and managed to get Mousekit and Alderkit out of the nursery and by their mother’s body.

“Pinefur?” Once again, Adderkit couldn't help but detest herself for being so so _weak._ The tom looked at her, blinking to try and get rid of the sorrow out of his eyes.

“I know what she's told me, but could you tell me a story about her?” She asked. He smiled, a memory coming to his mind as he gathered Adderkit and her siblings around the prey and launched into a story.

* * *

_Snakepaw made her way out of camp, following her brothers out into the wilderness._

__Great StarClan,_ she can't help but think_ , we've been walking for ages. Where are they taking me?

_Still, the she – cat trailed along, her tail flicking. Anxiety filled her as Pinepaw stepped over the border, almost as if he’d done it many times before. Shrewpaw crossed it too and despite her many worries, Snakepaw followed._

__"Where are we going?” She asked, and her brothers groaned. She_ had _asked a few times but surely it wasn't that bad. Shrewpaw whipped around, smiling at her.__

____”It’s a surprise, remember?” He says and Snakepaw is_ this _close to clawing his face off.__ _ _

__

__

__She really doesn't like surprises._ _

__Suddenly Pinepaw stopped. They weren't all that far away from the Clan territories and could run back if they needed to. Snakepaw halted, her jaws parting. Where was this so called 'surprise?’__

__A cat leaped out of a nearby hedge, startling her. A flash of dark tabby fur was all she could see. The she – cat was pinned easily, staring up at her attacker._ _

__Who happened to be her sister._ _

__”Congratulations!” Adderpaw squeaked. “You finally passed your battle assessment!”_ _

__Snakepaw shoved her sister off, smiling slightly. A grey squirrel was placed at her paws._ _

___“Come on, Snakey.” Pinepaw teased. “Eat up, and make a wish.”_ _ _

__

___So she did.__ _


	9. viii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> viii. a shadow is left behind

They shared prey like that for a while, and then Ivystar had yowled out.

Great StarClan, Adderkit was anything but ready.

“As all of you know,” The grey tabby began when a crowd of cats had gathered round. The two medicine cats, Patchfoot and Ash _step_ , sat outside the medicine den with Smoketail; they would finish the ceremony with Snakebite's burial. “Snakebite was killed by a ThunderClan cat on our territory. Her death was unnecessary, avoidable and was a ploy to get a reaction out of our Clan.”

The Clan had already broken into mumbles, _“What is she doing? Why is Snakebite not getting a proper funeral, why—”_

Ivystar had raised her tail for silence.

“Snakebite was a dear friend, a loving mother and a powerful asset to ShadowClan.” Ivystar lapped at the she – cat’s head, and began to meow lowly.

“StarClan, I give you this warrior as you have once given this warrior to us. While she walks with you, no cat will forget her name, we can assure you.”

A few cats had joined in with their leader, speaking in low whispers.

“Her bravery and wit — what she was named for — will always be remembered by her former Clan and even if she is—” Ivystar hesitated. “—even if she has passed, we ask of you to keep her safe.”

Another cat spoke out.

“To keep her healthy!”  
“To keep her in our minds always!”  
“As we live on, we shall keep her in our memories!”

The cats continued like that for a while, until Pinefur had spoken out.

“Ivystar,” He said slowly. “We should share our memories whilst the sun is still shining.” The tom reminded her.

The grey – tabby – and – white cat nodded.

“I. . . Snakebite was, as you know, my mate for seasons upon seasons.” Ivystar’s voice cracked. “She. . . was amazing, and I wouldn't have rathered any other cat to be by my side.”

She touched her nose to Snakebite's cold one, and murmured something for the brown cat’s spirit to hear. And then, she stepped away from it all; from the memories, from her mate, from everything she had come to know and love.

Adderkit didn't know how she could do it. It seemed impossible to just. . . let go. She knew that she wouldn't be able to, not for a while at least. 

Sunstrike had spoken next.  
And then Pinefur. And Sparkheart. And Mossyheart. And soon enough, every cat had said something to or about the she – cat that lay cold and dead in the clearing.

The ceremony had lasted for a while after that, with the gentle murmur of the wind ruffling Adderkit's fur, and then every cat had left. 

Except Ivystar.

 

Adderkit, Mousekit and Alderkit hadn't left either, sitting beside their mother for what seemed to be moons. Her scent was sweet, Adderkit noted. She had never really thought about the scent of her mother (which was a problem all in itself — now she would _forget it_ and _forget_ and _forget_ and _forget_ ) and when she thought hard enough, she began to cry.

She was just a kit — barely an apprentice, but even she knew that she would never have her mother back, no matter how hard she wished and wished and _wished._

And she knew that the sooner she had accepted it, the sooner she could continue to live.

 

 

.

 

 

She didn't want to do it, but the life of the Clan went on, and so did hers, apparently.

* * *

Adderkit's (or Adder _paw’s_ now, she didn't really know) apprentice ceremony came soon after.

It was a little early, probably due to the fact that the Clan needed something positive to look forward to, but it was a welcome distraction for Adderkit/paw.

“From this day forward, until you have received your warrior name, you will be known as Adderpaw. I pray StarClan sets your paws on the right path and guides you through your apprenticeship.” 

Adderpaw wasn't even particularly excited anymore. It was hard to think that a moon ago, she hadn't wanted anything else _other_ than to be an apprentice. Now she couldn't think of anything else except how absolutely lucky she was as a kit; now her family was completely destroyed and shattered and made unrecognisable, even to her.

Ivystar hardly talked to her daughters now, even if she had to, she'd avoid the three – sending Mossyheart to talk to them. It hurt. First her Mama had gone and now her mother was never there.

(It wasn't like she was there in the first place, but Adderpaw knew that she'd be lucky if Ivystar said so much as a word to her after this ceremony).

Ivystar's eyes scanned the crowd, snapping Adderpaw out of her thoughts. 

“Larkwing!” She cried. “You will mentor Adderpaw, setting her paws on the path to becoming a warrior. Do you accept your role in this cat’s life?”

The pale grey she – cat nodded: “It’s an honour, Ivystar,” and bent down to touch noses with the newly named apprentice.

The words were repeated to her siblings, with Mousepaw and Alderpaw being apprenticed to Fernfang and Daisyfur respectively.

“Alright 'paw!” Larkwing purred. Adderpaw liked this cat — she wasn't too serious, but she could still get stuff done. “Let's get moving!”

Adderpaw followed her blindly out of the camp. She blinked as snowflakes fluttered down. One landed on her nose and she sneezed loudly.

Larkwing smiled. “Well that's all the prey gone in a mile,” she commented. “If I show you the borders, can you promise to listen to me Adderpaw?”

The tabby nodded. Her yellow eyes were round as she took in the scents and sounds of the pine forest around her. The territory was as murky as she had heard and she's _certain_ that the other Clans cower in fear at the thought of ShadowClan. 

“Adderpaw, what can you smell? Try and think of what you've scented on warriors coming from a patrol.”

Her jaws parted as she focused on the particular scent that was heaviest around her. It was like Snakebite when she had just—

“I—Is. . . is that ThunderClan?” _Don't think about it, don't think about it. Stop it. . ._

* * *

**4 MOONS PREVIOUSLY.**

There's so much blood, mama. . . why is there so much. . . blood?

 _She feels tired. Everything hurts and hurts and she can hear the crunching of leaves around her. Her body is small, she's still two moons old, but there's so much blood,_ so much blood _and it surrounds and envelops her and she can't breathe, even when her Mama begins to whisper to her in little whispers of “Adder. Breathe. We'll be there soon.”_

_We’ll be there soon, we'll be there soon. _Her mother promises.__

___But her mind blanks after that, and she can only remember Clan life._ _ _

* * *

___“Adderpaw!”_ _ _

____Larkwing._ _ _ _

____The grey she – cat’s fur is on end. She looks panicked, scared out of her mind. “Sorry, Larkwing.” She murmured. “I just. . . With my Mama’s funeral, and this — it’s hard.” She was lying through her teeth because StarClan had just given her a vision or. . . or a—_ _ _ _

____—a memory. . ._ _ _ _

____Larkwing’s gentle purr is what snaps her back to reality._ _ _ _

____“We’ll take a break, Adderpaw. I'll teach you how to hunt and then, if you're ready we can go back to this border.”_ _ _ _

____Adderpaw nodded. She could hopefully do that._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____“C’mon, 'paw!”_ _ _ _

____Once again, Adderpaw blindly followed her mentor._ _ _ _


	10. ix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ix. the darkness is swarming around you
> 
> it swirls  
> and swirls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ivystar and hollystar are dicks to eachother again wow. who would have guessed.
> 
> this chapter is 2k and im gonna try and make these chapters all around this length

Roughly a moon had passed since Adderpaw had been apprenticed and she was learning fast.

“No, Adderpaw!” Larkwing repeated for the fifteenth time that morning. “Twist your body away or—” The grey molly battered her paws at her apprentice's belly. “You get hurt.”

She wasn't able to learn this quickly though.

Adderpaw watched intently as Larkwing demonstrated again, rolling away from an attack that was formed from the air. The she – cat groaned, she would _never_ get this right!

“Alright,” She mewed after a moment, crouching slightly and letting her tail wave behind her. “I'm ready.”

Larkwing snorted.  
“You're sure this time?” The molly teased, getting herself into a similar crouch to her apprentice, only hers was practiced and more experienced.

Her body was pulled tight as she sprang forward, meeting Larkwing's paws head on, ducking a well placed hit that – even with sheathed claws – would have left her winded. She let out a laugh as Larkwing sprang from one side to the other, bluffing. Adderpaw knew that she would lash out with her right paw (Larkwing's right, Adderpaw's left — she had to get used to thinking like that quickly because even she knew that having her lefts and rights mixed up would put her at a disadvantage).

As expected, Larkwing's paws snapped at Adderpaw's left flank, but at the last moment, she pulled her paw back and attacked from the other side. The 'paw was ready though, rolling away and pushing up on her hindlegs. It exposed her belly but only for a moment. The grey molly took her chance to stretch her paws out and hit the apprentice’s belly, but Adderpaw leaped away and then darted towards her mentor. She didn't flinch as she felt Larkwing's paws dig into her flank, only pushed on harder and managed to land on her mentor's back.

“Oof!” Larkwing huffed as she slammed into the sandy floor of the clearing, with Adderpaw's weight on her back. “Good job, Adderpaw. But you can get off now.” 

“Oh – uh, sorry.” The tabby meowed quickly. “Did I do it right this time?”

Larkwing smirked.

“Not only that, you managed to get me down too! StarClan, I must be training you great.” 

Adderpaw grinned.  
“Only the best mentor could manage to teach me,” She commented. “Thanks Larkwing!”

* * *

“Adderpaw, come over here.”

Mossyheart. _Not_ Ivystar, she noted as her chest suddenly ached. 

“Larkwing says you've been doing well in your training. You'll be going to the gathering tonight,” He says and she dips her head. “Can you tell Mousepaw and Alderpaw that they'll be going too?”

With a nod, she squeezed out of the camp to find her siblings. She couldn't wait! Dewpaw had said something about her first gathering being overwhelming, but from what he’d described it as, she couldn't imagine it as anything else other than _amazing._

 

.

 

Night fell quickly among ShadowClan and the cats going to the gathering had crowded around their leader and deputy. Mousepaw was practically jumping with excitement, whilst on her other side Alderpaw looked nervous.

“How do you think it's gonna be?” She asked.

“Great!”  
“Terrible. . .” They said simultaneously.

Adderpaw flattened her ears as Mousepaw and Alderpaw launched into a debate.

“Well I think—” Mousepaw said after Alderpaw had finished her point, and Fernfang whipped his head around.

 _”I_ think you should keep your muzzles shut,” The tom snapped. “At least until you _arrive.”_ He added, smiling sarcastically.

Adderpaw had never been more thankful for the cranky tom ever in her life.

* * *

ShadowClan had arrived second at the Gathering – Place, with ThunderClan already being there. The atmosphere was tense and rightfully so, Adderpaw thought.

 

The Gathering – Place was a field of generally flat land, with one huge tree towering over the cats in the clearing. It had already been explained that Clan deputies sat in the tree’s lower branches whereas leaders watched and spoke to the Clans from above. She didn't think she’d ever want to go up there.

“Adderpaw,” Her sister bounded up to her. Alderpaw looked more comfortable now she was physically at the gathering and Adderpaw was happy to see it. “Mousepaw says we should go talk to the RiverClan cats.”

_RiverClan—? Oh._

Another group had come into the Gathering – Place and from their sleek pelts, fat(ter) bellies and fishy scent, she could tell that they were the group RiverClan had sent.

She felt wrong to call them a group though, it was less than that.

A few apprentice – sized cats made their way to where Silverpaw, Dewpaw and a ThunderClan cat sat in tense silence. Immediately, she noticed Dewpaw breathe a sigh of relief. 

Adderpaw made her way over warily; she felt weird. If Clan cats were destined to fight and fight, why did they meet once a moon to. . . talk? It seemed pointless, especially if the next day they were back to, figuratively, clawing one another's throats.

She didn't have time to dwindle on the thought though, Silverpaw smiling at her expectantly. She sat beside him and a quick glance around the group told her that none of them were particularly hostile to her.

Except the enigma in which was the ThunderClan apprentice.

She narrowed her eyes as her gaze met his amber eyes. He looked away immediately with a huff, shifting closer to another black and white cat whose scent was obviously from the same Clan.

She didn't like _him,_ that was for sure. But given his glare, she figured that the feeling was mutual.

Whatever he’d been told about ShadowClan couldn't have been as worse as watching your mother slowly die and looking for your brother for days on end only to find, what? Scent trails washed away by the rain and the cold, cold shiver as she realised that neither her mother or her brother could ever be back with her. One of those things was certainly caused by ThunderClan and the other was likely to have been — ThunderClan had the motive.

“This is who I was talking about;” Silverpaw meowed. “Adderpaw.” He introduced her.

“Hey,” The 'paw murmured. Her mind blanked. What was she supposed to say?

“Adderpaw, this is Ivypaw and Hollowpaw from RiverClan,” Two toms, one black and white whilst the other was more of a murky brown colour with white patches. “That she – cat’s Lightpaw,” The pretty she – cat murmured a greeting and Adderpaw smiled back. Silverpaw paused.

“Who’s that?” She asked. The other apprentices groaned. 

“Don't get them started, Adderpaw, they do _not_ get along.” Lightpaw warned. Silverpaw ignored her though, smirking.

“That grump over there's Swiftpaw.”

Swiftpaw just huffed.

“Shut it, Silverpaw.” He replied, lapping a paw. The other apprentices giggled.

“Where's WindClan?” Adderpaw meowed – trying to change the subject from the two toms who, although were probably joking, could possibly start a fight.

Hollowpaw snorted.

“Probably have to carry Smallpaw here, she can't really walk that fast.” He commented. The other apprentices grinned. Must have been some sort of inside joke.

She liked this group. She hated that the Clans had to be enemies.

 _That's a dangerous thought to have,_ her Clanmates would probably say, but she found the Clan rules and way of life to be. . . chaotic.

What was the point of fighting and fighting when it would make so much more sense to just. . . fight against their common enemies?

She abandoned the thought however, as a small black she – cat bounded over.

“Hey! A newcomer!” The kit – apprentice meowed. How had this cat survived? She was tiny.

And then it hit her.

Adderpaw meowed a greeting.  
“You’re Smallpaw, right?” Her name was fitting. _That's rude, Adderpaw. . . But it's true._

“Yeah,” The black cat turned to face Lightpaw. _Who's this?_ She mouthed. _Adderpaw,_ Lightpaw mouthed back.

“Adderpaw, right?” Smallpaw mewled. “Huh,” She huffs, but keeps the thought to herself.

 

Adderpaw immediately lapped at her chest self – consciously. 

 

“Do you mind if I sit next to you, Smallpaw? You just. . . I don't know — seem friendly?” It's a goddamn _stupid_ excuse and they both know it but Smallpaw doesn't comment on it, instead she nods and moves to make space for the other apprentice. She grins.  
“You're friends with Silverpaw right? Doesn't he mention me?” 

Adderpaw knew it was some sort of inside joke but smiles back.  
“'Course, how could he go two seconds without mentioning your grace?”

 _Where are Mousepaw and Alderpaw?_ The thought was sudden. Adderpaw hasn't separated herself from them for a while now — it feels strange, it makes her feel _empty_ to not know where they are.

She's pretty sure she spotted them somewhere before, but StarClan knows where they are now. 

“Stop flirting with the enemy, Adder!”  
~~Adder, _Adder, she's heard that before and it's important she knows, she knows and she can't place it—_~~ __

_Silverpaw’s voice made her jump._

_“Shut your muzzle, Silverpaw. I was actually _gaining information_ from the enemy.” She defended herself._

_Smallpaw gasped. Her eyes widen.  
“How could you do this to me, Adderpaw? I thought you loved me—” And the apprentice breaks down into dramatic sobs. _

_“Wait, wait! Stop talking and. . . whatever _you're_ doing Smallpaw — I think it's starting!”_

_Adderpaw didn't have time to process whoever had told them to shut it; a chorus of four yowls, or one – they all seemed to blend in together, it was hard to tell – broke out. Instantly, the apprentice felt herself shiver — a single yowl had made the rumble of all four Clans completely _silent.__

__“Welcome to the monthly Gathering.” She hears a tortoiseshell meow and instantly flinches. _She can't wait for Hollystar’s final life to be ripped from her, and watch as the she – cat writhes in agony under another cat’s paws._ This time, she doesn't will the dark thought away – instead she accepts it. She doesn't know how to feel about that piece of new information._ _

__“May StarClan bless us all and may the Clans live and prosper!” Ivystar yowled from her branch. And the first Gathering of Adderpaw’s life began. (It was rather mundane, she felt. Other cats had told her about the fights that had broken out — but she guessed that it hadn't really _started).__ _

___A pause. And then—_ _ _

___“All in RiverClan is well,” A huge tabby tom stood, his red fur sticking out from the tree bark. Somehow he had defied the laws of gravity and managed to keep himself up on the branch. “We have a two new warriors, Heronpool and Minnowstream.”_ _ _

___When the group of Clan cats erupts into cheers, Adderpaw remained silent. She wasn't told about this and — oh, god. It was going to happen when her name was announced wasn't it?_ _ _

___The cats quietened down as Oakstar raised his tail and it calmed some of Adderpaw's anxieties._ _ _

___“That is all I have to report; StarClan has been kind to us this Leaf – bare.”_ _ _

___With a nod towards Hollystar, he sits back onto his branch. The molly stepped forward and Adderpaw noticed the scars that seem to gleam in the pale moonlight.  
“StarClan has also blessed us, with a kit being born to Weedclaw.” A collective murmur of congratulations rippled through the crowd. “We encountered a fox on our territory and it made it's way to ShadowClan territory; Ivystar, your warriors should keep an eye out for it.”_ _ _

___Adderpaw bristled._ _ _

___“Are you okay?”_ _ _

____No. She hasn't mentioned how she killed a — my mother and probably drove the fox to our territory on purpose._ _ _ _

___Adderpaw thinks back to the prey blood that was splattered across the border, and the ThunderClan _stench_ coating it._ _ _

___“I — I’m fine. I'll explain after.” She mumbled and thankfully, Smallpaw leaves it._ _ _

___“You fail to mention how your Clan of kittypets killed prey on our territory and how you murdered a queen for nothing more than to gain a reaction out of us.” Ivystar flicked an ear. She was still calm and Adderpaw admired her for it._ _ _

___ThunderClan seemed to have huddled together, bristling all as one. The Clan erupted into murmurs and hardly concealed threats; these cats were clearly savages and out for blood, confirmed by the _“I'm glad Hollystar killed that queen.”__ _ _

____“Adderpaw. . . I’m sorry.” Smallpaw meowed. Her voice is louder than all the chaos, all the accusations around her and yet it's only for Adderpaw to hear._ _ _ _

____“It's not your fault, Smallpaw. I’ve gotten over it.” That was a lie. She could still hear her mama’s whispers in her ears every single night and she could feel her presence anywhere and everywhere and sometimes, she'd slip and be so _confused_ as to why her mama was not in camp._ _ _ _

____“I know, but it must be hard.”_ _ _ _

____That makes something in her snap._ _ _ _

____She doesn't say anything to that, it's _not_ Smallpaw's fault and shouting at her won't help anything, but it's a reminder that Smallpaw, that not many apprentices have gone through what she has, not many apprentices have had to wake up every day and curse StarClan for letting them live another day. _Not many cats know what it's like.__ _ _ _

_____Ivystar's voice rang out among the cats and instant silence follows._ _ _ _ _

_____“You can't even defend yourself under StarClan's light can you?” She commented. Her branch is higher than Hollystar's and although she's shorter and leaner, she had a look of intimidation that made the tortoiseshell shrink back._ _ _ _ _

_____Hollystar snarled._ _ _ _ _

_____“That queen was trespassing.” Her excuse is weak. And Snakebite's body didn't smell of _ThunderClan territory,_ only Hollystar and other scents that Adderpaw couldn't make out._ _ _ _ _

_____“You killed a queen and sent a fox into our territory,” Ivystar growled back. “Trespassing doesn't excuse that. Your Clan of kittypets is so desperate for some sort of _acknowledgement_ that you're willing to kill a kit – mother and do anything to achieve it. Answer me, Hollystar. Am I wrong?”_ _ _ _ _

_____And that's when Hollystar leaped to the bottom of the tree, flicking her tail at her deputy. Mossyheart blocks their exit however, his eyes holding a challenge that they know they can't escape from. They've been cornered, and Adderpaw grinned slightly as Ivystar hauled herself down the bark and—_ _ _ _ _

_____—scored her claws across Hollystar's eyes._ _ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____ _ _ _

_____That was when the fighting broke out, with the moon shining bright overhead._ _ _ _ _


End file.
